


I Hope You Know I Care

by Isobelle



Series: This Is How It All Went Down [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adopted maximoffs, Angst, F/M, Post-Ultron, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3735583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isobelle/pseuds/Isobelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s crying by the end and Steve’s dragging her off an unconscious (dead?) body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hope You Know I Care

**Author's Note:**

> Real angsty this one is. All mistakes made are mine. i do not own the characters or any of that.  
> Inspired by Yamaha by Delta Spirit, links at the bottom and i encourage you to listen.
> 
> RECENTLY UPDATED TO FIT A COLLECTION

_So cold, I know you can't believe it_

_Sometimes you gotta face the feelin'_

_And if you don't care if you get up again_

_There's a thousand things I will not understand_

 

The dreaming was the worst. So bad she wouldn’t sleep. Couldn’t.

Steve was worried. So was Sam. And Bruce.

She lied to them because that was what she always did and will always do when something was wrong. She was thankful Clint was off god knows where at the moment. He was the only one who saw through her.

The surprise was she hung out with Tony the most now. He was half drunk most the time and possibly slept less than she did. Sometimes they filled his workshop with sharp banter and verbal battles. Other times, they didn’t speak at all.

FRIDAY would ask her if she was alright when she would lie awake on the floor. She’d lie too and wish she could stay there forever. It was so cold and she welcomed it. It made her _feel_ less.

She avoided Steve like the plague. Well, Steve thought it was him. No. It was his shadow.

‘Bucky’ had arrived the night before she stopped sleeping.

Her dreams were filled with blood and snow and the mother tongue and hidden nights spent in stingy hotel rooms and _screams_.

 

_Now you're dealin' with the hell I put you through_

_If I had my way I would be right there next to you_

_There's certain things in life you cannot change_

_There's certain things_

 

She snaps one day.

She’s lounging in silence on a table in Tony’s lab. He’s tinkering on some new suit when Steve walks in, his shadow following behind.

She forces herself to relax and only looks at Steve as he explains that they were sparring and something happened to good ‘ol Bucky’s arm. But she can feel _his_ eyes on her. Curious but hesitant. Wary.

It reminds her so much of before she turns away. Pretends to fiddle with her phone.

He’s still watching her when Tony sits him down and starts inspecting his arm.

She jerks awake from pretending to play on her phone when Tony jumps up and declares he needs to grab some things before he begins.

Natasha knows he doesn’t. He has all he needs in here. She thinks he knows more than he’s letting on.

It’s awkward when he leaves Steve standing in the corner, Bucky sitting and her lounging on the table.

She can tell Steve wants to say something.

She hates she’s pushed him away by avoiding his friend.

“Natasha I--” he begins but is interrupted when Bucky jerks up from where he was sitting.

The hairs on the back of her neck rise when he turns slowly and Natasha rises from where she had been lying slowly.

She has less than a second to get ready before he launches himself at her.

Their fights have always been hard, a brutal dance. In the Red Room. In Odessa. New York.

Halfway through she knows he’s coming back to himself. Or one version. The Bucky version. He stops fighting attack and starts on defense because Natasha doesn’t stop. She wants him to _hurt_ like she’s hurting.

He stumbles on one of Tony’s many cords lying around and goes down. She doesn’t hesitate to jump on him and hold him down. She grabs his head and knocks it into the ground, as if doing so would force the memories back in.

“ _Why_ ” smack “ _don’t’_ smack “ _you_ ” smack “ _remember me?!?_ ” she’s crying by the end and Steve’s dragging her off an unconscious (dead?) body.

 

_I hope you know I care_

 

She cries herself to sleep that night and thinks maybe the dreams weren’t the worst.

 

_I've been alone too many nights_

_Too proud to tell you when you're right_

_A little patience would have helped me then_

 

She hasn’t left her apartment in the Stark Tower for two weeks.

Steve comes by a couple times, leaves cookies and food at her door before glumly walking off.

Tony leaves the finest Vodka.

FRIDAY informs her that Bucky is alive and healing without being asked.

Clint comes back after going on a bonding trip with the Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver. "Finding themselves' he called it.

When he knocks at her door, she lets him in and tells him everything. Or well, most of it. Her past is her own and even her most trusted friend will not know it all.

Clint finally gets her out. Taking her to lunch with his new adopted daughter Wanda, who, ignoring the whole Ultron things, is actually really funny and full of mischief. She’s the first one to make Natasha laugh since the ‘incident’ (as Clint’s taking to call it) when she tells her the story of how she and her brother got Clint drunk and tricked him into doing some quite strange, albeit hilarious, things to unsuspecting strangers. He begged her not to tell Laura after she was finished laughing.

That was bound to be trouble from the start.

 

 

_All the angels above the earth I prayed_

_Sent this message right into her head_

_There's certain things in life I cannot take_

_And I will wait_

 

She’s sitting on one of the couches in the community area when she hears the hushed, not so hushed, whispers of Steve and somebody else coming from behind the entrance. His shadow.

She stands up and calls out “I can hear you, you know.”

There’s a muffled ‘fuck!’ before the Winter Soldier is thrust out into the room. In a incredibly rare display of imbalance he stumbles and grabs onto a nearby pot plant for leverage with his metal arm. He accidently snaps the small palm in half and tumbles down with it.

Natasha stays where she is. Hurt and guarded. (scared too)

He gets up and dusts himself off sheepishly, grinning a grin she had rarely seen yet dreamt of every time she slept.

He took a step forward, grin still in place.

“I remember you, Natalia.”

_I hope you know I care_

_[Yamaha -Delta Spirit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M74B8KGYfno) _


End file.
